Hi <<First Name>>,

When my best friend Jessica got engaged at the end of last year, she wanted her family and friends to participate in her wedding. Jessica and her fiance, Ben, asked if I’d officiate the wedding, because they knew I spoke in public a lot, but I had never officiated a wedding before!

I happily accepted, but I was more nervous than I am with my own speaking engagements. I usually know that it’s my reputation at stake, and I can take some risks, but this time it would be someone else’s special day. I’d have to do a good job.  

Plus I’d be in front of a 100 of their family members and closest friends… 

I deliberated for months on what to say, and even looked at what other people had written when they officiated.

I had written a rough draft a few weeks ago, but then days before I scrapped the whole thing! 

Instead I chose to tell a simple story of how I had met Jessica, how she had met Ben, and how we had all come together to celebrate their special day. 

In case you’re curious, here is the transcript from the wedding: 

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and thank you for coming out today. I’d like to begin this ceremony by telling you story of what has brought all of us together here this evening. 

12 years ago, when I was a junior at Duke, I was introduced to a young lady named Jessica. We had somehow found each other amidst the sea of our peers, and spent most of our time talking about what we wanted to be when we grew up, and the lives that we wanted to to lead. 

Here we are today, mostly grown up, and living out those conversations. We made it happen! 

So I’d just like to take a moment to thank you, Jessica, for giving me the honor and pleasure to participate in your special day. 

In the background of our studies at Duke our friendship blossomed.  

Meanwhile in 2003 nearly 11 years ago, I noticed a young man sitting in the basement of my engineering school. Everyday he’d be wearing a gray fleece sweater, sitting on the couch, and reading a book. I’d carry on with my studies, and not think too much of him. 

Until one day when my friend Jessica would introduce me to him as Ben. They were as we kids used to say, “just hanging out”.  

From then on I’d learn more about Ben Lampson.  

I learned that he was the same year as I was at Duke, also studying engineering, but really wanted to be a doctor. He really wanted to go to medical school at Duke. I guess he really liked Duke! 

Eventually Jessica and Ben would go from just hanging out to being boyfriend and girlfriend. 

But 11 years cannot go by with a few bumps along the way… 

As these two young people went on to study law and medicine, they’d also learn that passion, ambition, and drive cannot substitute the desire for human connection. 

For over a decade, Jessica and Ben have learned to balance their personal goals with shared ones. It is their desire to explore the world, travel, and enjoy each day of their lives in each other’s company that has brought them closer, kept them in love with each other, and culminated in this moment here that we have all been invited to share in today. 

But their romantic love isn’t the only love present today. Our presence, support, and encouragement is love as well. 

Albert Ellis states that, “The art of love is largely the art of persistence.” 

Jessica and Ben have persisted for 11 years. Taking their time to get to know each other. Now they wish to make a commitment.  

A commitment that we call marriage. 

Hearing the word commitment, we might cringe, because it brings up thoughts of work. That’s only if we perceive it as an obligation. 

But committing based on choice, signifies that we have chosen to do what we love and be with whom we love. That isn’t an obligation, it’s dedication, a dedication that will ultimately bring us joy and leave us feeling fulfilled.  

Ever since I’ve known Jessica and Ben, I’ve have the unique privilege of seeing their dedication to their families, their ambitions, and to each other.  

This dedication is based on Jessica and Ben always seeing each other as a best friend. Today’s ceremony is a reflection of their commitment to their friendship and the love that has resulted from it. 

I’ll conclude with this quote from Samuel Richardson, “Marriage is the highest state of friendship. If happy, it lessens our cares by dividing them, at the same time that it doubles our pleasures by mutual participation.” 

Readers 

… 

Exchange of Vows 

... 

Do you, Ben, take Jessica to be your wedded wife, to love, comfort, honor, and respect her as long as you both shall live? Do you promise to stand by her side, to leave no corner of your soul closed to her, and to help create and sustain your own unique world together?  

[Ben]: I do 

Do you, Jessica, take Ben to be your wedded husband, to love, comfort, honor, and respect him as long as you both shall live? Do you promise to stand by his side, to leave no corner of your soul closed to him, and to help create and sustain your own unique world together?  

[Jessica]: I do 

Exchange of rings 

May we have the rings?  

These rings represent the continuous and mutual love and respect that Jessica and Ben have for each other. 

Ben, as you place this ring on Jessica’s finger, repeat after me: “With this ring, I thee wed.” 

Jessica, as you place this ring on Ben’s finger, repeat after me: “With this ring, I thee wed.” 

Conclusion 

Ben and Jessica, I now pronounce that you are husband and wife.  

By this wedding you have set the romantic and legal cornerstone of your marital life together. May you now begin to build upon that cornerstone a happy home and a prosperous life together.   

Sir, you may kiss your beautiful bride.  

Mwah! 

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, for the first time as a wedded couple, Ben and Jessica, Dr. and Mrs. Lampson. 

The End 

I enjoyed every part of officiating, but my favorite was when Ben and Jessica held hands and exchanged vows. It was beautiful to see the look on each other’s faces, as they spoke to each other. I’m not much of a crier but as their eyes filled with tears, I almost lost it too…
The happy couple!
 

It’s wonderful to be in the presence of love. Not just romantic love, but also friendship. 

After the wedding, I was amazed at how many people had enjoyed the ceremony, and my storytelling. They liked the simple approach. And both sets of parents thanked me for taking the time to participate and doing a good job.  

Just as Jessica and Ben will remember their wedding, I too will have a precious memory of them standing in front of me for for years to come.
I caught the bouquet!

Now I’d like to know, when was the last time you took time out to honor a friendship? Doesn’t have to be something big like officiating a wedding, it could even be something small.  

Kindly,

Poornima

PS Wondering how I officiate wedding and still have time to run my business? I have lot of financial freedom and flexibility! I've built this over the past 4 years by building BizeeBee and Femgineer! But freedom and flexibility can seem elusive if you don't have a step-by-step approach for getting there. I've taught a number of people who are both technical and non-technical a clear and simple step-by-step approach for coming up with ideas, refining existing ones, and finding focus when they have too many. Then taking that idea validating it, building it, getting customers to pay for it so that they can be well on their way to having more financial freedom and flexility in their career and life! I've done this through my email course: How to Transform Your Ideas into Software Products. In the last iteration I had 450+ people sign up to participate in it! Many have gone on to discovering an idea, improving an existing one, and learning how to attract customers. I'll be offering this course again in June, and if you're interested in getting on the wait list you can sign up here.

PPS Next Femgineer Forum I'll be back to San Francisco for our May Femgineer Forum at Change.org on How to Evaluate Your Technical Career Track. Please come out and join me!

PPPS This newsletter is meant to provide you with some inspiration in the middle of your week and foster a dialogue between the two of us. If you don't wish to receive them any more, then I completely understand, and encourage you to unsubscribe.